stuff

thoughts

2009-07-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if its time for a career change - that's assuming its actually considered a career change when you've only been working for 4 years. I don't like sitting still for hours on end. Exercise can usually get me past that part though. The more important part is I just don't enjoy being sub-par. Yeah, maybe I work at a place where there are lots of great people so I should be happy to be here and learning from them, but its pretty crushing too. For example, so far this week I've spent 2 days trying to copy files and 1 day hunting down a compilation error. Really, who takes that long? Didn't I learn how to copy files when I fist touched a computer? Why does it take me 2 days now? I could just stick around, learn as much as I can, and hope that someday I'll reach the mediocre. I've been doing that for 4 years though and its made things better, but not good. I could go work somewhere else where there aren't as many smart people, but I think that would make me feel even worse. I often wonder if I could teach. I mostly like kids. Its certainly fun to watch them learn anyway. There are lots of cs-like things you can teach kids too, even the younger ones. I've watched a few classes and it looks like a lot of fun - maybe I'd be good at it?

balance

2008-05-26T22:54:00.000-07:00

I'm a workaholic. I admit it, but I don' know how to fix it. I think it comes from working in a place where everyone is so good at their job. I feel like the only chance I have of even pretending to keep up is to just keep on working. Now that is been close to 3 years and expectations have already been set, I don't know how to stop. Supposedly admitting you have a problem is the first step. So, yes I have a problem and I'm ready to try and figure out how to balance work and other stuff. Here goes...

hiccups

2008-05-22T23:22:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, my consciousness has little hiccups where, just for a moment, I realize that this really is my life. The rest of the time, it seems as if my life isn't real and that things are going to go back to the way they used to be. It feels like I'm just hanging out and making the best of it until they do. But really, I guess this is it. I wonder if I'll actually come around to the fact that what's happening now is the real part.

when?

2008-05-08T21:57:00.000-07:00

I really want to go for a run right now. I can't. *sigh* I'm running out of all kinds of patience.

boiling

2008-04-26T22:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't been this upset for a really long time and at this moment there's really nothing rational I can do about it. I don't often get this upset - maybe once a year. When I get a bright red face, a baseball sized lump in my throat and shaky hands, I don't really know what to do with it except go for a run. It clears my head and gets rid of that immediate emotion that seems to be boiling over. No can do this time. I haven't really been able to run since October. I'm getting kind of tired of it. For the first few weeks it was great - after a 26.2 mile run, the last thing I wanted to do was more running. But the weeks have now turned into months and I've made no progress towards recovery. For the most part I've been trying to substitute biking and some other gym activities, but its moments like these where I miss running the most. Its got a mind clearing power that I don't know how to get from anything else. Since I've already done a full workout and been to the climbing gym today, I know if I went out for a few miles I'd just come home and crash. By the time I'd woken up tomorrow I'd have cooled off. Instead, I'll sit here with my lower leg in bucket of ice water while trying to distract myself with bad tv, hoping that eventually my mind will stop racing and I can fall asleep.

6 weeks to go.

2007-09-17T23:50:00.000-07:00

I actually enjoyed running today and I need to write it down so I remember it. Lately, following a schedule has definitely turned a good portion of these runs into a chore, but today was actually enjoyable. My foot and knee only hurt a little and I didn't destroy anymore toenails - it doesn't get much better than that these days. These high expectations just need to take me through the next 6 weeks. Mostly I'm just stressed out about the next 20 coming up this weekend.

wubby's back

2007-09-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

Well, its been a long time, but Wubby's back in my life. He resurfaced in the office late this week and I'm sure glad he did. As I was walking out to the trail to start what was supposed to be a 20 mile run, I realized I was getting a migraine. That quickly put an end to those running plans. I was pretty mad since I'd been planning (more like stressing over) this all week and was really looking forward to giving it a shot. Luckily, when I returned to the office to settle in for a couple of hours, (migraines mess up my vision and the drugs I have make me sleepy which means I can't drive) Wubby was there waiting for me. He welcomed me with open arms and is currently keeping me company. Hopefully he'll speed up the migraine recovery process enough that I can give this run another shot tomorrow. Otherwise, I'm afraid this may ruin my training.

homesickness

2007-09-03T23:06:00.001-07:00

I feel like a little kid at sleepover camp for saying this but... I want to go home.

Somewhere along the way, I picked up this idea that by visiting home, problems will just melt away. I wish I could still believe that. For some reason, maybe because I'm older and things have gotten more complex, or maybe because I'm more cynical now, or maybe its because I ran away from a lot of things there by moving here, but its just not true anymore.

I want it to be true though. I think about going to visit home and I first think, "yeah, do it! it'll be tons of fun, everyone there will be happy to see you. go for it." but then I realize that this is probably not the case. Not everyone is going to be excited to see me, and its not going to be perfect. They all have their own things to do and problems to deal with, and really I just end up taking time away from the stuff they wanted to do. I don't live there anymore, I'm not a part of their daily lives, so in some ways I don't really exist.

Yet, despite all that, at least 1/2 my brain keeps trying to convince me that if I do go home, everything will be okay. I want to believe it, but I'm also afraid of going and being disappointed because then I'll know for sure that I just don't have a place to go when I want to escape.

milkshake obsession

2007-08-26T12:23:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I learned that In-n-Out sells milkshakes, they're good, they're open late, and there's one not far from my apartment. This is a problematic discovery - I can't run enough to compensate for this one. I did just go for a run though... and a milkshake does sound pretty tasty right about now... See how my brain works? It's evil! I'm not sure I can beat this problem. I could always move out of In-n-Out territory. I should figure out how far that reaches. Hmm. interesting thought.

idiot

2007-08-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

What's happened in the last 8 months? Good question. Well lots of things I guess but just in the little tiny bubble I live in, not too much worth mentioning. For the most part I'd say spending my time being an idiot. I don't know when that's going to stop and I'm not really sure how to stop it. Aside from that I guess I've been trying to keep busy in an attempt to distract myself from the fact that I'm an idiot. Running makes it better but not good enough. I've got some lofty goals in the running department though. We'll see how they pan out in the next few months.

here

2006-12-13T23:42:00.000-08:00

I've noticed a bunch of things about people out here. Here are two of them: People who live here, at least the ones I meet, aren't from here. I think I only know one person who grew up within a couple hours of here. Its interesting and I like it. The other thing is that people around here have traveled all over. China, Japan, Thailand, Australia, Russia, etc. I've pretty much only been to London and Munich. Its almost time to go somewhere.

not much

2006-11-23T20:40:00.000-08:00

It's been a while... Still not much to say but I can say that I still don't know what I want. I might be a bit closer to figuring a small piece of it out though. Progress is progress, right?

Rain! (again)

2006-10-04T23:44:00.000-07:00

Its raining again - I guess that means we've made it to fall. Last year I remember being fascinated with the rain after not seeing it for so long. We were about a month later last year, at least according to a post from last November. Today I took advantage of it and went running in it. It was pretty pleasant actually and I just didn't feel like stopping. A bit over 9 miles later (that's far for me!), soaked, and thirsty I found myself by my building and gave up and went inside. I think I could have kept going but there's only so many circles you can run in before you get bored. With a little better route planning, next time hopefully I can do more :) It should be good training for the half dome hike that's planned for the weekend!

dog!

2006-09-11T21:33:00.000-07:00

On the way home tonight I remembered again that I am afraid of dogs. I was biking along past a school and I heard some jingling. I thought it was my keys. No! It was a dog! It was dark so I couldn't really see him but I definitely heard the barking. He was gaining on me pretty quickly until he hit a fence or a bush, I couldn't really tell. My heart skipped a couple beats, I veered into the middle of the road, and my legs shook the rest of the way home. How they turn from cute little puppies into things that want to eat me.

j & k

2006-08-24T01:02:00.000-07:00

You know you've been reading too much email, via gmail of course, when you get to a random web page with sections and you use j or k to try to get from one to the other. I don't even use vi so I can't even try to blame it on that.

mistake

2006-08-15T23:44:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard to learn from mistakes sometimes? The little mistakes seem easier to learn from a lot of the time. Oddly enough, the big ones tend to be easier to ignore and then, as a result, repeat. That just seems kind of backwards.

comfort

2006-08-13T23:30:00.000-07:00

I've found that the more comfortable I am around people, the more willing I am to voice an opinion about what I want to do. Actually, it's probably that I'm more willing to say things I don't want to do. So with people I know extremely well, of which there are only a handful, I go into things much more close-minded. This silly behavior makes me miss out on things. I'm not so sure how to fix it though because if I end up hanging out with the people that introduced me to these things I would have otherwise dismissed, they eventually become the people that I am closest to. Then I stop being as open-minded. I guess I can just find new people, but its cyclic. There must be some kind of balance. I'm just not sure how to find it.

vacation

2006-08-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

I took 3 vacation days in a row and decided to go away for a few days - pretty good considering in the past year I'd taken a total of 3 and I'm hesitant to count one of those since I probably worked for a good 8-10 hrs that day. I spent the beginning of the weekend at home then took off for Michigan on Sunday. Here's a few things I learned on/from this vacation.
1. I need to trust my gut more. It tends to be right, especially when it comes to stuff about me. Listening to other people just gets my hopes up and really, that's no fun.
2. Effects of alcohol are greatly intensified by extra exercise and not eating. Yeah, maybe I'd been told that already but yikes, who knew how true.
3. I'm not a morning person, at least not when morning means 4am. I handle 6am much better.
4. I like waterskiing! Wake boarding could be a close second with a bit more practice.
5. I bruise entirely too easily.
6. I like playing cards.
7. It's time for bed - I just fell asleep typing...twice

lots and lots of water

2006-07-23T22:50:00.000-07:00

It has been a bit hot around here lately. I'm not quite sure what happened to that nice 75 and sunny thing that I always tell people back home about. Someone we ran into today said it was 100 and that was in the shade. I guess that would explain why I had no trouble drinking about 1.5 gallons today. As we were descending, one of the guys on the ride got it exactly right when he said "it feels like riding into a hair dryer".

age

2006-07-10T22:25:00.000-07:00

I fell asleep before 11 on Saturday night and I hurt my lower back. What kind of people do these things? Old ones, that's who. So as I hit the 1/4 century mark and can officially be called old again, why have I been feeling and acting like a 16 year old lately? I've always been a bit behind on this kind of stuff but shouldn't I have grown out of that phase a long time ago?

black dots and blue spots

2006-07-09T21:18:00.000-07:00

I got a new bike yesterday and I even had a chance to take it out for a short ride :) I didn't have too much time today but I did get out and ride it around town a little bit. It was just light enough on my way home to take the trail instead of the streets. Bad idea. Lesson learned: Just because it's light enough to ride in the woods doesn't mean you should. I was a human windshield. I ate a ridiculous amount of those little tiny black bugs. I couldn't breathe in without getting them in mouth or my nose. They got stuck everywhere. At one point I looked down at my arms and there were probably at least 15 dead ones stuck on each one. Gross.

I seem to have acquired a large number of blue spots (aka bruises) on my legs this weekend. I put on some shorts tonight and stood in front of the mirror and it really looks like I've been beaten. Turns out I'm just clumsy. I like bruises and if you've hung around with me long enough, chances are you've seen me get excited when I get them. This is bordering on excessive though.

lots and lots of....

2006-06-28T23:01:00.000-07:00

Guests! Guest number 4830231 left last night. Guests number 4830232, 4830233 and 4830234 arrived today. Until last night I hadn't had the place to myself since before I went home for memorial day weekend. Wow. It should be a fun week though - an extra long weekend and hanging out with the girls. Its been a long time. I guess that's what happens when you work in a male dominated field.

Oh yeah and one more thing: No! I don't know what time I'm going to be home!! ;)

my office

2006-05-03T23:24:00.000-07:00

My office is a bit crazy. Conversations are, for the most part, ridiculous. I wish I could remember them all. There was one the other day which was actually kind of interesting. It stemmed from the question: what's the female equivalent of the word "guy"? For boy it's girl, for man it's woman, but for guy there's nothing good. You can use girl or woman to describe the same person in different situations. If someone got up and gave a speech, I think they'd be referred to as a woman. However, if you met this same person at a bar, I think you'd refer to her as a girl. Some people get offended when you call them a girl because it sounds too childish or something. Personally, I don't have that objection - I actually prefer it - woman just sounds weird. So yes, we had an in depth discussion about this issue the other day in the office. It was rather amusing, although certainly not the most strange one of our conversations. For example, this afternoon I was half paying attention to a couple of my officemates when I heard this: "So, I started dating my mom..." The great part is that this is all pretty normal for my office...

40, 2600

2006-04-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

I can't decide whether I should feel a sense of accomplishment or shame. I did something I've never done before and certainly couldn't have done 8 months ago so in that sense its an accomplishment. But, I still did much worse than the people I was with which is embarrassing. I guess it was good for me so it shouldn't matter.

nuts

2006-04-23T01:14:00.000-07:00

Apparently I take a lot of crap from my coworkers. Tonight I got a small container of peanut shells dumped in my hair with no retaliation. Something else happened too, though now I've forgotten what which makes this post rather useless, but it caused someone who doesn't usually see what goes on to make a comment. I need to come up with some kind of comeback soon :)

I try and keep more personal stuff, like what I'm thinking and stuff, off the blog but once in a while it sneaks in so here goes. I've got some rather lofty goals set up for the next few months. They're things I've always wanted to do but never thought I could. I'm in a better position this time around though so maybe I'll make progress. I shared some of them with a few people and got a lot of mixed reactions as to whether or not I'll actually accomplish them. I guess that means one thing: Time to go for it.

bunnies

2006-04-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

The easter bunny made an unexpected visit to my apartment today. He, or I guess I should say the visitors I just had, hid a cute basket filled with all of my favorite yummy things. There was also some toothpaste in there to counteract the serious amount of damage that has just been done to my teeth. Good thing I got a new ipod yesterday so I can spend the rest of the week at the gym to counteract the other badness - It's going to take at least that long!

living things

2006-04-13T23:16:00.000-07:00

I got a plant today. Actually I got two. Any bets on how long I'll keep them alive? Just to give you some background information - the last couple plants I had lasted about 2 months. I put them outside and forgot about them. Lesson learned: don't put plants in places you don't go often. So since I'll walk by these ones every day, that should solve the problem. I'll add some pictures eventually to track their progress.

Fishnappers!

2006-04-05T00:03:00.000-07:00

They stole my fish today. They decided he belonged in the fridge. They've stolen him a few times recently. Oh, and the "they" here refers to my teammates. If this keeps up, I'll have to get even. Teammates beware - things could get ugly ;)

In other news, I've had lots of visitors recently. One for all of last week and two more arrive on Friday and stay for a week. I might have to be a tourist for a while with the coming set. After that, the next scheduled set isn't until late June though. Since I've moved I'm 9 for 10 at having visitors or traveling somewhere to visit people each month. Not too bad considering almost everyone I know is 3000 miles away. I wonder if there will be any victims in May...

Cold, Rain & Wind

2006-03-31T13:13:00.000-08:00

It's cold and rainy these days. Seems like March is the new February. Good thing Wubby is around to keep me warm. By the way, Wubby's hiding in this picture somewhere.

Wubby!

2006-03-18T23:52:00.000-08:00

Wubby is my new buddy and some people have also labeled him my significant other. He's actually been around for a while but it's just recently that I've realized how important he is to me. He likes me. I can tell because he follows me around everywhere. I've found him hiding at the gym, in my car, and in my apartment just to name a few places. It sounds a little creepy, like he's being to clingy but really, he's not. He's perfect for cuddling. He always lets me go when I want him to, and he never kicks me out if I want to stay. He's just so lovable and he makes me happy. I miss him when we are apart, but I know he's always there awaiting my return. Wubby is wonderful!

clams

2006-02-22T00:43:00.000-08:00

Busy day at work today. I'm completely wiped out, but happy as a clam :) Where did that expression come from anyway? Are clams really happier than any other thing? And if so, why? I'd like to know just so I can always be as happy as they are, provided that they're actually happy most of the time. Maybe google knows. Query of choice for tomorrow: clam I should pick a new one every day, perhaps I'd learn something useful.

2006-02-20T09:19:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a bunch of presidents having their birthdays around now, we have a 3 day weekend. 3 day weekends are perfect because you can spend one day working, one day doing errands and getting stuff done, and one day doing something fun. That's how it should be at least. It didn't quite work out that way this time. Maybe in May when the next one rolls around. This weekend I had plans to sleep and to sleep a lot (which means I was shooting for 8-9 hours every night. I think that's a very reasonable amount). It's hard to sleep when the phone rings before 9am 2 of the 3 days though. I guess that's what happens when you're 3 hours behind most of the people you know. Yes, I realize 8:30 is a very reasonable time to be awake but sometimes I don't want to be awake then. I was even promised one morning that I wouldn't be called too early. Moral of the story for the 2 people who may actually read this: 8:30 (that's pacific, *not* eastern time) on Sunday is generally too early to call me, especially if we get disconnected and you have to call back 5 times.

?

2006-01-23T21:55:00.000-08:00

I'm confused and that makes me sad. Good thing I'm tired. (no that's really not sarcasm - i am glad i'm tired)

four

2006-01-11T00:03:00.000-08:00

It seems that I write when people come to visit so since visitor set number 4 just left I guess its time for a post. To comment on the previous post, yes, my trip back to the east coast was interesting just as I suspected. I thought the trip might shed some light on a few things and in some ways it did. Mostly it just leaves me to figure more things out, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Overall it was a good trip. I got to see some old friends, spend a few days working in NY, meet some new people and see my family. One more year down. Time to get used to writing 2006.

almost...

2005-12-21T00:09:00.000-08:00

Almost time to head home for the holidays (I've always wanted to say that, now that I live far away I can). All I can say at this point is that it should be an interesting trip.

huh

2005-12-03T03:42:00.000-08:00

I finished the book I was reading last night and I'm too tired to start another so seems like time to write instead. I spent last weekend with my dad who was out visiting for Thanksgiving. We spent quite a bit of time driving around and got to see and do a whole bunch of new things. I really like the ocean - its fun to watch and listen to and its peaceful but also threatening at the same time. I just like it. Perhaps I've said this before.
There's probably more I should write but its late, actually bordering on early so its quitting time. Maybe more later.

another round

2005-11-22T23:44:00.000-08:00

The next round of visitors arrived today - I think this is round 3. This time it is my dad. Its a little strange hosting a parent. I've never even had a family member over for dinner before, never mind staying at my place for a week. Maybe that means that I'm that much closer to being an adult. But I don't have a guest room, an extra bed for him to sleep in, or any food for him to eat, so hopefully that means I'm not quite there yet.

mondays

2005-11-15T00:56:00.000-08:00

Good mondays are tough to come by. Today was a good one. I wonder when the next one will come around :)

too much to say

2005-11-12T18:28:00.000-08:00

I have way too much to say today. Unfortunately, I think I'd get in trouble for most of it... so I have to keep my mouth shut. My brain, on the other hand won't shut up. But to sum it up, my brain says: what the hell? And not in the mean, why the hell did you do that sort of way, but more in the I'm confused, all of these things don't add up sort of way. This confusion spans multiple dimensions. Usually its just one person or thing at a time does something to confuse me. But this time it seems like multiple things and people have ganged up on me, although they're all completely independent of one another. Like I said, it just leaves me thinking, what the hell? Oh well. I guess it keeps things interesting and my brain busy. But on to my rant for the day: Why is it suddenly christmas everywhere? I don't particularly like christmas. I mean, I enjoy getting to see my family and stuff and this year that'll be good since I won't have seen a bunch of them for 6 months but other than that, I say bah humbug. I saw santa claus today - its november, november 12th in fact. And who knows how long he's been there already. It's over a month early! That means we have to spend more than 1/12 of a year having christmas shoved in our faces - no thank you. Go back to the north pole and stay there until at least december 12th!

PS
I just sat down and turned on the tv to see what was on... how the grinch stole christmas. its november 12th!!

rain!

2005-11-07T23:29:00.000-08:00

So its raining. If you think that's not quite worthy of a blog entry then you don't live where I do and if you do, oh well. Its rained a little bit 2 or 3 times since I moved here but I think this is the first time its rained this hard (not that its raining hard at all). I can actually hear the rain though. The other good news is that my windshield wipers still work and the rainX that my dad put on my window over 4 months ago is still working its magic. RainX is good stuff - one of those few "as seen on tv" things that actually works. Try it. It's especially useful in the winter - it makes scraping ice and snow off much easier, not that it should be much of a concern here. But I do hear that it rains here in the winter. Anyways, I almost just went out and stood there for a while and walked in the few puddles that had started to form but then I got distracted. Maybe next time.

giving up

2005-11-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

How many times should you fail at something before you give up? Maybe never. Maybe you keep getting back up and trying again. That's at least what they tell you when you're in elementary school. How many times do they tell you something like: "you can do anything you want if you put your mind to it"? I've certainly heard it lots. But what does that really mean? What if I don't know how to put my mind to something? Then how do I get what I was looking for? And what is that phrase supposed to apply to? Is it supposed to mean that I can be a doctor, an engineer, a teacher, or a salesman? I would make a terrible salesman but then again I've never had any desire to be one. Does it only apply to jobs? Or can it apply to relationships to? Can I be a wife or a mother if I try hard enough? My pessimistic side says no. That's crazy. Just because I want to get married some day doesn't mean I can. Or perhaps I can if I don't care if I'm happy or not. I guess I could just marry the first guy who would take me, but maybe there isn't even one of those. And there's no saying I can have kids either. If there is something wrong with me so that I can't have children that makes things tough, but then maybe I could adopt. But at some point you give up right? There are only so many options and so much money. You can only fail so many classes before you decide that a profession just isn't worth it. And you can only chase after someone for so long before you finally take the hint that they're not interested. But what if you go for something and get it. And then it sucks or you're just not good enough for it. How long do you pretend that you are good enough before you give up? How long can you convince yourself that you belong somewhere that you clearly don't?

yosemite! (and some other random nonsense)

2005-10-30T00:37:00.000-07:00

I've been writing way too much lately which means that if anyone actually reads this thing they might have an idea of what I'm really thinking. I don't think its quite possible to put all the pieces together yet though, especially since I have a hard time doing that myself and I live inside my thoughts.
But anyways, I had visitors this past week which gave me a great excuse to get out, be a tourist and take some pictures. It was a super busy week, but that turned out to work to my advantage. Being busy works well when you don't want to be distracted by other things.
Last weekend we went to Yosemite. There was lots of driving on windy, hilly roads but I enjoyed it and my passengers didn't get too sick...and they claimed that it wasn't my driving, just the windy roads. Perhaps they were just being polite - I'm not so sure. I got to climb on a bunch of the rocks in the picture. A lot of the time there's a waterfall running through there but at this time of year things are pretty dry. It would be nice to go back in the spring and see the difference. The other picture is just kind of neat. It looks like a perfect fall day - sunny with a deep blue sky. It looks crisp like the fall days that they get back in New England. I like being a tourist sometimes. I guess I'm looking forward to having more visitors then because that's what motivates me to do that kind of stuff. Next one comes in just over 3 weeks. I'll have to start thinking of things to do. I know I say this a lot but time is flying! I think I need to start a list, or maybe a few different lists. Between the movies I need to see, books I need to read, and places I want to visit, I can't remember them all.
I picked up some books yesterday so that should keep me more busy at bedtime. Instead of sitting down in front of the computer and writing to nobody and not falling asleep, I'll actually be able to read. I haven't really read much in the past two weeks or so and I definitely got less sleep because of it. Nothing puts me to sleep quite like reading a regular old book. Maybe in 10 years, when I've forgotten that I went to places like Yosemite at all, I'll actually appreciate this blog as a reminder. I guess that's motivation to keep posting...

a little more baseball

2005-10-27T23:47:00.000-07:00

So the season is officially over. This is the least attention I've paid to a season since I can remember. I blame California. I made it home last night to see the last batter of the game, but that's the only part of the entire world series I saw. It just wasn't exciting. I wasn't sitting on the edge of my seat, biting my nails, grabbing the arm of the person next to me, holding my breath or covering my eyes. There were no phone calls from people that I know are *always* asleep at that time of night, no honking horns, people out and about in the streets, or lights on in every window. There were no yankees to route against. That was last year when the sox were red. But now, in true sox fan fashion, its time to look ahead to next season and see what they can come up with. There's always next year. And out of curiosity, since I'm on the subject, I need to figure out what happened to the "reverse curve" turned "reverse the curse" sign on Storrow. I used to drive that way a bunch but I can't remember if it ever got changed.

And on a completely unrelated note: I really like eating dinner outside in the dark. (This is mostly a note to me so I don't forget.)

a bit of a beating

2005-10-26T23:38:00.000-07:00

Work seems to be beating me up lately. I finally thought I had a handle on things and then bam its like day one all over again. Although, really its not, it just seems like it sometimes... I've learned a ton so far its just that there is just a lot more to learn. If someone had given me my current project during my first week I would have been 150% lost whereas now its only about 75% and another few months from now I'd probably be down to about 40%. So I'm making progress, just not as quickly as some of the others. I know I've only been working for 4 months but its hard to see how people can get sick of their jobs. Everything is so dynamic and every day is different. Don't get me wrong, there are still times when I feel like tossing my two 24 in. monitors (I am very spoiled) out the window because I'm frustrated. But those times pass quickly and can mostly be blamed on C++ letting me shoot myself in the foot. My feet have lots of holes in them - its a good thing I'm still kind of young (depending on who you ask) so they heal pretty quickly.

Distracted

2005-10-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

Its been a little while... In some ways lots has happened and in some ways nothing. I got that first phone call since I moved where I just wanted to be able to go home... But, since home is pretty far away these days, I couldn't. It's not like I could have done anything had I been there, but it would have been nice. I knew it was going to happen at some point - I just kind of hoped it wouldn't. It's called denial - I've pretty much perfected it. It's a good defense until it catches up with you and it doesn't do that too often. But next time, when the news is worse I'll be more prepared.
I keep getting distracted though which isn't so good for productivity and I like being productive. I'm trying to break that though. I beat it out of myself by running (if you can call my snail's pace running) a couple of times which was useful and productive. Then I got sick (I even had a slight fever :) ) and did nothing. Now that I've kicked the cold maybe I'll have to give it another try... otherwise I'm not going to get anything done again.

baseball

2005-09-29T23:11:00.000-07:00

I like baseball. People in california don't seem to understand the baseball obsession. It's kind of hard to get used to - its very exciting to find people that are even remotely interested. I miss the red sox being on all the time - its not quite as satisfying to watch espn's score keeping thing on my computer. Although tonight's game was pretty exciting even though I wasn't really watching. I think I might have scared the people at work though or at least given them more reason to think I'm crazy. I guess it was really only a matter of time. I keep trying to keep my excitement of baseball in check but it just keeps popping out :) If you're a sox fan, how could you not be excited about the last series of the season vs. the yankees that decides who makes the playoffs?

no more stomping

2005-09-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

Over the past week or two I've been noticing that I haven't been woken up in the mornings. I didn't think much of it, well, except that it was nice not to have to put earplugs in. But now I think I've figured out why - I think my neighbors moved out. It took me 2 weeks to notice - that seems like kind of a long time. Oh well. Hopefully the new people (whenever they get here) are cool - not that I'm really ever here to notice them so mostly I just hope that they don't keep me awake :) Anyways, since I'm home early maybe I should do something other than sit in front of the computer... or maybe I'll go sit in front of the other computer and try to get some work done ...

2 heads (minus the aches) are better than 1

2005-09-06T22:33:00.000-07:00

2 migraines in the past 10 days - that's a first. The second one turned out to be much more convenient than the second though. I was with the same people both times - perhaps there's a lesson to be learned there both by me and by them ;) As you probably could guess, when you notice right away, its dark and you are 5 minute drive from home things tend to work out better than when you're dehydrated, haven't eaten anything, its super sunny, and there's a long windy road between you and home. The weird thing is I don't even feel stressed out which is supposedly what causes them. There's a really good amount of stress in my life these days and its the kind of stress I like - the kind I would miss if it were gone. I need to have this kind of stress - its necessary for me to be me. Even "KaliforniaKate" needs it :)

a new set of wheels

2005-09-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

As I was out running errands today I passed by a bike shop, stopped in and bought myself a bike. It was sort of an impulse buy although after walking to work one time I started thinking that having a bike would be much more efficient. 3 hrs of walking is not nearly as good of a use of time as 50 minutes of biking. So now I have one and a nifty little light to go with it since I never seem to leave work before it gets dark. Not even today, when my only real reason for going to work in the first place was to see how long it would take me to ride there, did I leave before dark. But, it was good since I got some work done, had a reason to ride my new bike, played a new game and got one of my favorite dinners :) How can you want to stay away?

trees and books

2005-08-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

I'm no longer afraid to look in my fridge and there's no gross water in my sink anymore. I also accomplished my other goal for the weekend, which was to see a redwood tree. Some of the details from the trip are a bit hazy... but I made it home and the proof is in the pictures. I suppose that makes it a successful weekend.
But before I stop, here's a little bit of an unnecessary and mostly irrelevant sidetrack - a couple of weeks ago, while I was waiting at the airport for my delayed plane, I read a fun book that turned out to be all about the little secrets that you try to keep from other people. The ones you keep from all people - doesn't really matter how well you know them or if you even know them at all. Some of them are silly, some of them are things you would never dream of telling someone else or letting them see, and some are ones that you sometimes just can't keep in no matter how hard you try. The book was about how people end up finding these things out and what happens when they do. It was a good, quick, summer read and surprisingly relevant this weekend. I guess when those things come out it usually is a surprise because it certainly isn't intentional to let them out.

Notes from today:

2005-08-26T22:14:00.000-07:00

1. my kitchen sinks are filled with gross, smelly water. maybe its time to call someone about that.
2. don't forget the '-r'
3. a random group of authors makes an interesting band.
4. unfortunately some fish actually tastes like fish.
5. i'm afraid to open my fridge.

fun and games

2005-08-25T23:32:00.000-07:00

I played some games tonight after work since apparently there are lots of games at work. It just keeps getting better. How can you not like my work and why would you ever want to work somewhere else? Anyways, cool games although my spatial relationship skills need some work. :) Why had nobody ever introduced these games to be before?

back to normal

2005-08-24T21:56:00.000-07:00

Well the last two weeks were super busy with work and going to Boston. I don't know how people travel every week. Two weeks in a row is enough for me. I suppose if it wasn't a 6 hour flight and a 3 hour time change it might be a little easier. It was good to be back in Boston though - its a great city and I could spend hours just walking around. It'll be interesting to see if I ever end up back there...
The summer has flown by! Labor day is coming up soon and I'm not going back to school - first time in 20 years. It's a little wierd not having a 4 or 2 year schedule. What am I going to be doing in 4 years? Who knows - I sure don't have a clue :)

today is?

2005-08-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

I think I've finally sorted out what day it is. I'm not sure what screwed me up this time. It could have been taking the red eye, or maybe it was not being at work on a friday, or perhaps it was only having slept 4 out of 85 hours.

I came back home for the weekend so I could go to a wedding last night. It's probably been over 10 years since I went to one. It was really nice. It was at a great little spot on the water in Maine. It's a little strange that my friends are starting to get married though - it can only mean that I'm starting to get old.

Now that I've slept for 11 hours (yikes!), I'm off to visit my family. It's pretty hot and humid so maybe we'll go swimming :)

1st post

2005-08-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

Here's my first try and blogging. I'm not sure it'll catch on but it seems like a good thing to try now that I'm in a new place. Maybe it'll help me keep track of the stuff I've been up to. So here's an overview of the last month or so since I moved (apologies if this gets kind of long).

So I picked up and moved from the east coast to the west coast in mid june. Definitely a big move for me seing as I've always been a new englander but california is great. You really can't beat this weather. I certainly don't miss humidity. Maybe at some point I'll miss the snow... but for now I'm happy. As far as the cold goes, I'm quickly becoming a wimp. When the temperature is much below 72, I'm freezing.

I started work not long after moving - my first real job. Even now, after a month, its still a little overwhelming. There's so much information to digest and its always busy. But, I love it. It's hard to imagine working anywhere else. I'm working on a very visible part of the company which is pretty exciting. I made a change the other day that millions of people saw - it was really simple but still kind of neat that I was responsible.

It is nice to be in a new place - there are so many new places and things to see and do. I've taken a bunch of day trips to santa cruz, half moon bay, point lobos, and san francisco, and they've all been great. If I ever move up to san francisco, I found the place I want to live. Not that I'll ever be able to afford it but its still nice to think about. If I moved there, I'd definitely have to take up sailing because its right on the water and the sailors I saw the other day really seemed to be enjoying themselves.

That's it for now. I'm off to do some reading :)