boiling

I haven't been this upset for a really long time and at this moment there's really nothing rational I can do about it.  I don't often get this upset - maybe once a year.  When I get a bright red face, a baseball sized lump in my throat and shaky hands, I don't really know what to do with it except go for a run.  It clears my head and gets rid of that immediate emotion that seems to be boiling over.  No can do this time.  I haven't really been able to run since October.  I'm getting kind of tired of it.  For the first few weeks it was great - after a 26.2 mile run, the last thing I wanted to do was more running.  But the weeks have now turned into months and I've made no progress towards recovery.  For the most part I've been trying to substitute biking and some other gym activities, but its moments like these where I miss running the most.  Its got a mind clearing power that I don't know how to get from anything else.  Since I've already done a full workout and been to the climbing gym today, I know if I went out for a few miles I'd just come home and crash. By the time I'd woken up tomorrow I'd have cooled off.  Instead, I'll sit here with my lower leg in bucket of ice water while trying to distract myself with bad tv, hoping that eventually my mind will stop racing and I can fall asleep.