balance

I'm a workaholic. I admit it, but I don' know how to fix it. I think it comes from working in a place where everyone is so good at their job. I feel like the only chance I have of even pretending to keep up is to just keep on working. Now that is been close to 3 years and expectations have already been set, I don't know how to stop. Supposedly admitting you have a problem is the first step. So, yes I have a problem and I'm ready to try and figure out how to balance work and other stuff. Here goes...

hiccups

Sometimes, my consciousness has little hiccups where, just for a moment, I realize that this really is my life. The rest of the time, it seems as if my life isn't real and that things are going to go back to the way they used to be. It feels like I'm just hanging out and making the best of it until they do. But really, I guess this is it. I wonder if I'll actually come around to the fact that what's happening now is the real part.

when?

I really want to go for a run right now. I can't. *sigh* I'm running out of all kinds of patience.

boiling

I haven't been this upset for a really long time and at this moment there's really nothing rational I can do about it.  I don't often get this upset - maybe once a year.  When I get a bright red face, a baseball sized lump in my throat and shaky hands, I don't really know what to do with it except go for a run.  It clears my head and gets rid of that immediate emotion that seems to be boiling over.  No can do this time.  I haven't really been able to run since October.  I'm getting kind of tired of it.  For the first few weeks it was great - after a 26.2 mile run, the last thing I wanted to do was more running.  But the weeks have now turned into months and I've made no progress towards recovery.  For the most part I've been trying to substitute biking and some other gym activities, but its moments like these where I miss running the most.  Its got a mind clearing power that I don't know how to get from anything else.  Since I've already done a full workout and been to the climbing gym today, I know if I went out for a few miles I'd just come home and crash. By the time I'd woken up tomorrow I'd have cooled off.  Instead, I'll sit here with my lower leg in bucket of ice water while trying to distract myself with bad tv, hoping that eventually my mind will stop racing and I can fall asleep.